


Sacrifice

by DevilsCabaret



Category: Actor RPF, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: AU, Angels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-14 00:10:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilsCabaret/pseuds/DevilsCabaret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We have always lived. To protect you, to watch over you. Everyone, without distinction. This is our task, our mission. But the price is high. You must not know that we exist. You cannot understand with how much hope we watch over you. You cannot know how much we love you. You cannot see our faces as we can not caress yours. We need to watch you live your lives without intervening, without interfering. And in the end, we have to watch you die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this beautiful fanart: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9wjf7Iisy1qkdpb5o1_500.jpg

**_Sacrifice_ **

_Cover my eyes._

I cannot do it.  
It's against the rules.

_Cover my ears._

Even if protecting him is my job.  
Even if...  
  
When he was born he was small, smaller than normal infants.  
He was already different from other children. He was unique.  
And he screamed a lot.  
Sometimes it seemed to me that his screams could even reach me up here and I naively hoped to be able to go down to him, take him in my arms and rock him.  
Feel his smooth hair.  
Hear his breathing calm down at the sound of my voice.  
And for a second I tried to imagine a life, a real life down there with them. With him.  
But it was not my role.  
And this thought vanished in an instant, faded in the expanse of clouds that even now I see before me.

Then, every time I closed my eyes, my mind went back there, to that child who was now grown and who was smiling ecstatically on his tenth birthday, his eyes lit up with joy when he opened the box with his first puppy.  
Or, when his lively blue eyes filled up with anger at seeing his classmates abusing that helpless little boy who always sat next to him during the English lesson. And the sorrow that seized him when in high school, during the most boring classes, he thought that maybe if only he had exchanged a single word with that guy perhaps he could have been able to save his life.

He was like that.  
He is like that.

So kind and selfless that he should have every good thing in life.  
So gentle that he doesn't deserve what it's going to happen to him.

_Tell me these words are a lie._

I cannot do it.  
It's against the rules.

 _It can't be true that I'm losing you._  
  
But it's surprisingly difficult for me.  
I had always pictured him next to a beautiful woman, surrounded by children, but he chose another path.  
He chose to love Him. To love us.  
  
 _Sun cannot fall from the sky._  
  
And this is the result?  
He who has given himself to others must suffer this fate?  
I have watched over this child, this man, since his heart began to beat. I was his guardian because I was told so. And I have protected him because this is my job. I've seen dozens, hundreds of them since the beginning of time.  
Born, grow old and die.

_Stop every clock, stars are in shock._

I have protected him even more than I am allowed to.  
And I know why I did it.  
I know.

I understood it as the time went on when, during his years in the seminary, he looked at the sky every night closing his eyes slowly. I could hear his prayers, hear his words. Words of an ordinary, simple man. A man whose only fear is to waste his life and leave at the end with only remorse inside his heart.  
And now, here, for the first time, this feeling that is the soul of everything that I am, scares me and doesn't allow me to obey Him any longer.

_River would run through the sea._

He doesn't deserve this.  
Not now.

_I won't let you fly._

I cannot do it.  
But I have to.  
Even if it's against the rules.

_I won't say goodbye._

.

.

.

There are only two blocks left until the seminar. I hope it doesn't start raining just yet.  
There's a guy running towards me.  
He seems to be in a great hurry.  
He has something in his hand but I don't see what it is. Not that it is any of my business.  
But it's strange. He doesn't slow down, he doesn't stop.  
Instead he lifts the arm towards me and I cannot...  
I cannot move.  
There is someone next to me...  
Who is this man?  
He's beautiful.  
White wings, like the light that he emanates.  
Black feathers, like the sky behind him.  
They crumble slowly.  
He's disappearing.  
No.  
Please wait.

_I won't let you slip away from me._

A violent noise.  
Thunder?  
Maybe.  
No, it's something different.  
The voices of the street, the sounds of people drag me back from that dream and throw me in the present.  
That image washes out from my sight in the blink of an eye.  
Each color of that moment fades along with the sky that’s slowly filled with gray and gloomy clouds.  
But in my mind remains the distant echo of his face, that for a moment has thrown my mind into the void.  
Why don't I know who you are?  
Why did you come to me?

His eyes...  
…were so sad.  
I felt like I knew them.  
Eyes that have seen centuries, years, lifetimes.  
Eyes of those who love unconditionally without fear or dread.  
Why were you smiling?  
Why have you brushed my skin?

His fingers grazed my hair.  
They seemed like wind caressing my face.  
Wind that in a whisper spoke of love and sacrifice.  
Wind that with the sound of soft leaves has torn me away from that smile so strangely familiar.

_Can you hear Heaven cry..._

And like he has appeared, he is gone forever, making me lose my breath.  
I am breathing heavily for no reason and my eyes burn.  
A policeman has just blocked that guy.  
Now I see what he has in his hand.  
A gun.  
There is a bullet lodged in the wall next to me.  
The policeman says that it's a miracle, that if I had been just one step ahead...  
He tells me that there must be someone watching over me. Someone up there who loves me.

What is that?  
It fell on the edge of the road right next to my feet.  
It is soft in my hands, as white as the purest things.  
Somebody up there loves me...  
This is not the first time I've been told this.  
But I had never noticed...  
...until now.

My eyes never stop burning as I squeeze that little white feather between my fingers.  
A terrible feeling grabs my chest and I feel like I have lost something that I never even knew I had.  
Something that slips down my cheek along with the warm tear that marks my face.  
Confused words echo in my mind.  
Words that fade away like a daydream.  
Words that will remain engraved in my heart.

 

It is against the rules.  
But I'm doing it.  
For you.

_Tears of an angel._


End file.
